Episode #210


00:16:36 minutes long
audio file size: 19.4 mb
  • 210. Control 00:00

Do you find it hard to let go of control? In life? In your relationships? In your work?
You might feel like it has nothing to do with your English but it does. Because we carry this need to be in control when we speak English.

What does that look like?
– Not speaking before knowing exactly what you’re going to say
– Not pronouncing words you’re uncertain of their pronunciation
– Not using words you’re unsure of how to use them
– Not speaking much to people you don’t know
And more…

But in order to feel more freedom when speaking English, you have to give yourself room to grow and experiment and make mistakes. And that means letting go of control.
And unfortunately, many English speakers as a second language don’t allow themselves that.
In this episode, I share my own experience with holding on to and letting go of the need for control, and how it relates to perfectionism. Tune in and you’ll get to hear how I think you can let go a bit more and really be present in your English.

Why Perfectionism Will KILL Your Fluency: https://hadarshemesh.com/podcast/62/

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10 Responses

  1. Dear Hadar, thank you for sharing this podcast! The control situation you talked about is exactly the same with mine! Because of wanting to be in control, I can’t be the organic myself. Definitely it is a wake up call and I NEED to work on letting go of control. You are not only an excellent English expert but also a knowledgeable therapist. These are my two weakest areas that you have covered! Thank you and love you ❤️


    Xiangying Jensen

  2. You are right Hadar, our perfectionism is a wall that we build to protect our insecurities.
    Those insecurities are exacerbated by real or just mental obstacles inside ourselves. The worst thing is that we were told that perfectionism is good or necessary whereas in reality is a huge limitation created to eliminate you as a competitor.
    Hollywood is full of that garbage, and now the internet is creating new standards of perfectionism, which means more work on our side to overcome obstacles.
    I love the English language and I am determined to improve it constantly, but just recently I’ve discovered the beauty of foreign accents. Then why lose such a beautiful gift?

  3. Ha ha, I had to laugh because I did bunjee jump when I first move to NZ more than 20 years ago. I was not so conscious then, perhaps it was to let go of control. The jump helped me a lot to let go because when you move to a new country you have no idea how things will turn out no matter how much you plan. But I do notice what a control freak I can be in comparison to my husband and son. It’s a journey yet sometimes I feel like I have improved and in other situations not quite. I do love making plans and having outcomes so I do have to work in the area of letting go and being. I am working on it so thank you for the reminder.

  4. Dear Hadar,
    You’re totally right. When I listened this video. In a few minutes .You showed me what I wanted to hear. Thank you for helping me and share your own experience . You change my life. Now I have feeling I CAN everything! Thanks again 😘

  5. Good morning Hadar
    I think you are right, same things happens with me, when I control my limiting beliefs. I have some compression in my brain but it’s not come out. Sometimes I feel sigh and how these words come out and I think same way , may be people gonna laugh at me. You are right , we have let it go, whatever words come out from mouth. I like your lesson and I like your way of teaching.
    Thank you very much for this valuable lesson.

  6. I loved the part that you talked about the wine. How could you describe that so perfectly?
    I am a controller! And I completely agree that this is damaging my performance on speaking English. I’m a slave of my own control.

  7. I agree control is the limitation, and perfectionism is a disease. We need to learn how to let it go, and to be honest; I’m looking for some techniques because life is not only about knowledge but also about doing.

  8. You know what? I have this belief that unless I speak fluently I will do something, and after hearing and shadowing this episode kind of found the courage to do something I have been postponing. So I want to thank you Hadar for lifting me up and make me feel I can. So grateful to you♥️

  9. You are right. I feel the same thing about speaking. Freedom is must to be a fluent speaker. I appreciate your thinking and teaching style.

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