Hey, welcome to the InFluency Podcast. I’m your host, Hadar, and this is episode number 76. And today we’re going to talk about how to stop the negative thoughts that go through your head when speaking English.
Hey, how are you doing these days? I hope you are well. These are interesting days here. As I’m recording this, we are just about to end our second lockdown here in Israel. It’s been a tough month. I feel like, if you’re listening to this in like 2025 – and you have no idea what I’m talking about – then, I’m recording this in 2020 in the middle of a global pandemic. I don’t think anyone is going to forget that anytime soon. But anyway.
So, we had to go into another lockdown. And I have to say that it has been more challenging than the first one, because when it all started and we got into the first lockdown, there was still kinda like hope and I was thinking, “Hey, you know, this is going to change really soon.”
And then the second lockdown is like, “Okay. We really have to figure out how to live with it and be happy, despite the fact that we can’t travel or we can’t go out and meet friends as always.” And we really need to make the best out of it because, you know, always living in the past, “Oh, how it used to be.” And remember the time where we used to go travel for a month, or thinking about the future, which means, you know, always thinking about when is it going to end and when is it going to go back to how it used to be, then it really does injustice to how we show up and behave in our present. Right? Because we are always thinking about not right now, not the moment that we are in. Which is not good for us, you know.
And then I decided to just understand that this is how it is for now, and to be grateful for the things that I have, like being able to still work and be with my family, and the fact that we’re all healthy and happy, and that I can still connect with thousands of people from around the world; and to do what I love, and to help people build their business. Cause I don’t know if you know, but I also have a program for teachers where I help them build and grow their online business. And you know, I’m so grateful to be able to do that. So, I need to remind myself that this is what matters and, you know, to keep on creating content, which is what I’m doing right now.
Anyway, that was just like a short check in to let you know where I’m at, and to also share this moment saying thank you for being here and for listening, cause it’s because of you that I feel like I have a purpose and a lot more meaning during these times.
Also, it’s a good opportunity to say thank you to all of you who have been sending me messages and comments on Instagram. By the way, if you are not following me, you can connect with me over there at @hadar.accentsway. I share a lot of more personal stuff and we go into discussions and conversations. It’s a lot of fun. So thank you for connecting and commenting and keeping this conversation going with me and with the community.
Now, today’s topic is pattern interrupt. And even the conversation about this global pandemic and always thinking about how it used to be, or when is it going to end. This is a pattern. And since we are human beings that love patterns, we have to understand that sometimes there are patterns that are positive patterns – that help us get by, like, you know, brushing our teeth in the morning, or tying your shoes, or making coffee – things that we do automatically, like we’re on autopilot so we can drift away with our thoughts as we’re doing those things. Right?
So these are patterns. And they help us because we don’t want to have to invent or think about the things that we’re doing to actively think about them as we’re doing them. So, for example, my daughter, my younger daughter, her name is Asia. And when she was younger – right now she’s five years old – and when she was younger, she used to be so stubborn, so stubborn. And it’s so funny, like she would, let’s say, want to change her outfit, her dress. And, you know, she would want a dress that is right now in the washer.
She’d be like, “I want that Elsa dress!” And I’d say to her, “It’s wet, it’s in the washer. You can’t use it.” “But I want it!” “But you can’t use it.” And I would try to explain, and then we would go into this back and forth argument, and she would be in this pattern of arguing with me. And it would just go on and on and on. And I would try to explain until I realized this trick where I used to break her pattern. And then I would say something like, “Oh, what’s this? Oh my God, did you see the new window?!” And then I would rush to the window and look at it and open it. And it’s not a new window, I would just make up something and look at it and was like, “You have to see what’s downstairs.” And she would be so confused from me just like switching into talking about something else, that she would actually cooperate with me and ultimately forget about the dress. She wouldn’t forget, but at least it would be an easier conversation or at least she would be willing to negotiate after that. Right?
So, when you break the pattern, you change something that is usually on autopilot, and it makes you or the other person kinda like think things through or think for themselves. And that is the main theme of today’s episode. Because when it comes to English – and many other things in life, but let’s go back to English – and when it comes to speaking, there’s this thing that happens where right before we’re about to start, or even when we think about our English, we start having these negative thoughts that create anxiety, right, or that prevent you from speaking, or that make you feel crappy.
And these thoughts are not helpful, you know that. And I talk about it a lot, right? Like how to understand what are those limiting beliefs and negative thoughts and reframing them, and creating affirmations, and all of that. Which is all valid, we still need to do it – to change those beliefs. But again, it doesn’t stop us from going into those patterns. So, another way to deal with that is through pattern interrupt.
And this concept is from NLP – Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and I find it extremely helpful. And this is why I’m sharing it with you today. So here it is.
So let’s go into what you need to do when you start driving yourself crazy with all those negative thoughts that are not serving you. Before I’m going to tell you what you need to do when you start these negative thoughts, I want you to remember that these negative thoughts are your fears, insecurities and beliefs that you have about yourself, coming up to the surface as you start speaking in English.
If this is something that you have ideas about, or you’ve been told before that you don’t sound clear, or you have an accent, or you’ll never be able to learn English – that develops negative beliefs, beliefs that prevent you from fulfilling your full potential. And as a result, you start believing these things, and these beliefs are manifested in those repetitive thoughts. Or on the contrary – you start having these repetitive thoughts and ultimately forming a belief. A belief is not reality.
So that means that these are just thoughts, and as such, they don’t represent our true reality. Even if you feel that you’re stupid, it doesn’t mean that you’re stupid when you’re speaking English. Even if you feel that your accent is thick, it does not mean that other people feel that too, or that you are unclear, or your belief about having a thick accent may not be the belief that everyone holds.
So, remember that these are just thoughts. And as such, because you are the thinker of your thoughts, these thoughts can be changed. And the way we’re going to change them is through pattern interrupt. Pattern interrupt is something that we do to break a certain pattern that we have. In this case – these negative repetitive thoughts.
We are human beings. And as human beings, we are creatures of patterns. It allows us to live life in a more automatic way. Like, you know, brushing your teeth or driving to work. When you drive to work, you’re not like thinking about where you’re going to take the next turn; or you’re not thinking about navigating the car between the cars, you’re doing it on autopilot. Right? And then, for example, let’s say something happens, like there is a traffic jam that is unexpected, or all of a sudden, they block the road – that creates a pattern interrupt. And you all of a sudden start becoming more conscious of your reality and you start thinking differently than you normally would.
Same thing with brushing your teeth. Let’s say, every day you go in the morning to the bathroom, you brush your teeth and that’s it. And one morning, you go to the bathroom and then you reach out to grab your toothbrush and you can’t find it. And it’s nowhere to be found. Right? All of a sudden, you’ll start thinking about the fact that you need to brush your teeth. Automatically, usually, you don’t think about it – it’s something that happens automatically. But once the pattern has been interrupted, then you start thinking about what it is that you’re doing.
So, your pattern right now is to start having those negative thoughts and the negative self-talk every time you’re about to speak English, every time you think about English or every time you are speaking English. And that is a pattern. So just like with the previous examples, we want to break that pattern. And how do we do that? With two simple words. “Stop it”. That’s it.
“Oh, my God, Hadar, you sound so bad. Your English is awful. You sound like a fraud…”
“You keep making mistakes, even though…”
“And people are gonna make fun of…”
“They’re gonna think I’m stupid.”
As you can see, those negative thoughts are your pattern. And simply saying, “Oh, stop it!” will help you to interrupt that pattern. The pattern feels safe and familiar, but we got to step out of what’s familiar if we want to create change in our lives. So a change in pattern creates change in the results that we see in our lives.
And remember, you’re not creating those thoughts every time you start speaking English, it’s your pattern. And the pattern interrupt – simply saying “stop it” – will help you think for yourself; and recognize that this is not serving, you don’t have to continue with that and you can change it. Because you are the thinker of your thoughts. And you can truly see different results if you change how you think. That’s it. So, simply “stop it”.
Thank you so much for being here. I am truly honored and grateful to serve you. And remember, speak up because mistakes is the only way to learn. Have a beautiful day, and I’ll see you in the next video. Bye.