Welcome to the InFluency Podcast. I’m Hadar, and this is episode number 81. And today we’re going to talk about English for introverts.

Hey everyone, thank you so much for tuning in for another episode of the InFluency Podcast. And today’s episode is very dear to my heart because for many years I’ve been teaching privately many students. And I don’t know why, if it’s just me attracting certain people that are like me or people who are more introverted, feel less confident when communicating with other people, or when they have to put themselves out there. But if I had to guess, I would say that 80% of my private students that I’ve had for the past 12 years were introverts. And I’m an introvert.

Now, you might be thinking… I mean, if you know me, you already know this about me, but if you’re new to me – then, Hi, what’s up? – but you might be thinking, “Oh, she’s not an introvert. She’s, you know, on video. And she does all these lives and blah, blah, blah.” And it’s true. Like, I’m not a shy person. And I really like to share stuff publicly, but it’s under very specific circumstances.

I’ll give you an example. So, as you know, I love going live on my Instagram account and on my Facebook group and on YouTube, I have no problems going live on any one of my platforms. But recently I joined this coaching program and they really encouraged people to go live in the group. And I wasn’t doing that. And then, one day I was like, “Okay, I’m going to go live.” I mean, I know how to do that, but I had so much resistance and I simply did not want to do that.

Now. I know it’s not really related to being an introvert or not, but it feels like I need to have that safe space and to be around people that I know, and I love, and I trust to be able to put myself out there. And this was a new group of people and I wasn’t feeling comfortable. But that’s not really why I feel like I’m an introvert. I’m an introvert because I really get energized by being on my own. I need to be on my own to recharge, to be able to reflect on things, to get my balance back.

So, if I’m in a social event – less now, during a global pandemic – but if I have to give a talk, I would rather just give the talk in front of a lot of people and then go back home, and not socialize, and not network. I mean, till this day, the word ‘networking’ gives me… I start itching when I hear the word ‘networking’.

Now, I also teach it. So, it’s not something that I don’t think is good. It’s just that if I had a choice, I would prefer not to do it. And to have all the benefits of networking without having to go and talk to people and, you know, develop small talk and yada yada yada.

And, yeah, like I would much rather sit in a cafe with my laptop alone and look at people then work together with others, for example. Or if I need to go to a big party, I would need some time alone after. And I would usually prefer to sit with friends in a small cafe or at home instead of going to like a big event with a lot of people.

Why am I telling you all that? Because, as an introvert, I know that some things like, you know, engaging yourself in a conversation may not come naturally to people who tend to shy away from social interactions, especially with new people. And sometimes there’s social anxiety and sometimes people are just shy. Right?

And a lot of the tips that this industry has to offer may not be relevant for some people who consider themselves to be introverted. And it’s not that you can’t change, and I definitely have, so I do have some extroverted features now because I’ve worked on it and I’ve developed it. So, I do think you want to develop that if you tend to shy away from interacting with people, cause ultimately, to learn a language and practice a language, you need to speak. And to be able to speak, you need people and you can’t just pay people to speak to them all your life because that’s not financially smart. And also, let’s not forget that friendships are important, and we need speaking for that.

So, some of the tips that I’m going to share here today are ideas for people who don’t resonate with the common tips of how to learn English. And they need, you know, a different type of activities that will help them improve their fluency and confidence in English.

By the way, a lot of the tips are not just for introverts. So, if you are like, “I’m a total extrovert”, then I’m sure you can find something here that would be beneficial for you too. Okay? So why don’t we just roll that tape, English for introverts? Let’s listen.

Hey there, it’s Hadar, and this is the Accent’s Way. And today we are going to talk about English learning for introverts.

Introverts are people who prefer a calm environment, with very low stimulation. They would rather reflect and stay with their own thoughts rather than speak them out in front of a lot of people. They would prefer to stay at home rather than to go out with friends. They would rather be on the side and observe the people rather than being the center of attention.

It’s a personality trait and some people are introverts and some people are extroverts and they feel energized by being around people. A lot of people are actually ambiverts, which is somewhere in the middle.

If you’re an introvert, you know that some English learning methods do not apply to you. Here are a few things that will help you improve your English without feeling like you want to crawl out of your own skin and poke some tiny needles into your eyes.

So first of all, use video and recordings, it’s just you on your own with yourself. No one’s there. You could make a video, look at the video, give yourself some notes and then try it again. Making video is an excellent tool to help you improve your English, and I know that because in my online community that’s how we communicate. And ask anyone there who has been posting videos and see the growth and improvement that they’ve experienced.

So, making videos will make you feel as engaged, almost as engaged as you are in a real conversation. Because it’s not like you’re just talking to yourself in the bathroom. And at the same time, you can actually look at your performance and give yourself points for improvement. So, use more video.

Number two – find the right partners for you. So maybe hopping on an online platform to talk to random people is not the right thing for you. Maybe going to a party and speaking English is not the right thing for you. But finding a thoughtful, considerate, empathetic, conversation partner with whom you can conduct deep, engaging conversations is the right thing for you.

Because introverts are better alone or one-on-one, when it’s quiet and it’s deep and it’s focused. So, that’s what you should be looking for, okay. So, know what you need and focus there, and you will find what you need, okay. So find the right partner and find just one or two. And don’t just hop on every opportunity to speak with random people because maybe it will make you feel uncomfortable, you’ll find yourself not speaking so much, all right. And then you will feel like you haven’t made any progress. So, I think that that direction would benefit you more.

Understand that your tendency would be to passive English. That means chats, reading and writing, right, concentrating on English. But at the same time English needs to be active. You need to speak it out loud. So try to avoid chat conversations, understand that this is your comfort zone and really try to change it into a real one-to-one conversation. So that’s one thing.

Now, if you love reading, then at least read out loud. Turn the passive practice into active practice, okay? That’s how you take something that you feel comfortable with into something that will actually get you more results.

Give yourself permission to recharge after a conversation in English. Sometimes speaking with someone else, especially someone who is not a good friend of yours is taxing and demanding, and requires a lot of energy, let alone if it’s done in a second language, in English.

So, be okay with the fact that it is going to be energy-consuming and give yourself time to recharge after. And don’t feel like the problem is only with your English, understand that it’s both you being an introvert and feeling like you want to just curl up and be on your own. And at the same time, also you struggling with expressing yourself in a second language. That is on its own something that is slightly challenging.

So, the two things together will have an effect on you and it has nothing to do with your level of English. You just need to recharge, to take the time for yourself to reflect and then come back with more strength.

Don’t stress out over small talk. If you feel really nervous when you have to make small talk, then first of all, always be the one asking all of the questions. So it will make you feel better because you don’t have to talk about yourself. You will practice your English just by the fact of asking questions and engaging with the other person.

But also what you can do is prepare for it. So create a list of questions and phrases that you may be saying or asking and practice it at home. And then when you go into the conversation, you can retrieve it right away and it will feel safer, like you don’t need to improvise, you have it ready, okay.  It’s not a bad thing. It will keep you safe, it will keep you comfortable. And maybe it will allow you to really be engaged in that conversation and God forbid, even enjoy it.

Another thing is that you might need to prepare better than others. Whether it’s for a meeting or a presentation, you have to come super prepared so you always have something to fall back on. Create the bullet points and practice saying it out loud. Get comfortable with how you say things, use video to practice it.

When you’re on your own, you feel safer, right? And when you feel safe and good about what you do, then when it’s time to perform it will be a lot easier for you to do well than without practicing and without having prepared. So, prepare well even for a simple meeting. Don’t think of it as a waste of time, think of it as an opportunity to improve your English.

The last thing is yes, you need to understand your needs, but at the same time don’t hide behind it. So, yes, the fact that you’re an introvert makes you do things slightly differently and choose a different path than what others may be doing. But at the same time, it’s not an excuse for you to say, “Now I don’t feel comfortable speaking with other people, I’m an introvert.” Or, ” I’m not gonna go out of my way to walk up to the coffee machine and talk to my colleagues because I’m an introvert and it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I understand my needs and all of that.”

I mean, acknowledge that, it’s okay. But at the same time, you’ve got to break through and you’ve got to break those walls, and you’ve got to get past that social anxiety. So do all of these things that will help you be better because at the end of the day, you really do need a lot of practice time, a lot of real conversation in order to improve your English.

And it’s like every time you improve your English, then you feel more confident and comfortable speaking with others, right. So it’s a win-win situation once you step out of your comfort zone, understanding that it is against your nature, but it is good for you and you can actually change that. But, you know, after that go and sit with yourself, with your coffee, with your music and recharge. And that’s okay. Okay?

So, understand your limitations, but don’t hide behind them and don’t use them as an excuse to not advancing and not improving and not stepping out of your comfort zone.

Now, if you’re an introvert, let us know in the comments below what are the things that have worked for you as an English learner? What have you been avoiding? And what have you done that helped you succeed in English? I can’t wait to hear your comments and to start a discussion.

If you want to learn more with me then do not forget to subscribe. Now, if you’re also looking for a safe community to practice your English with and to improve and to get to know people from around the world, then click the link in the description below. It’s the most beautiful community I have ever seen.

And also, come on over to my website to check it out, a lot of free stuff over there just waiting for you to grab it. theaccentsway.com.

Have a beautiful beautiful week, and I will see you next week. Bye.