Welcome to the InFluency Podcast. I’m Hadar, and this is episode number 100. And today we are going to talk about criticism and native speakerism, or I’m going to talk about a comment that I’ve received recently and dismantle it right here with you. It’s going to be fun.

Hey everyone, it’s Hadar. Thank you so much for tuning in for another episode. And this one is going to be fun. I think it’s worthy of being the hundredth episode, which is crazy – 100 episodes. But yeah, I did not plan something fancy, but it ended up being this episode as the hundredth episode. I keep saying hundredth cause it’s a lot of fun. Try it, to pronounce it with that D-TH at the end – hundredth, hundredth. Say it like 10 times and you’ll be able to do anything in life. Anyway.

So, I think this is worthwhile because I never do this. I’ve never done it. I’ve never taken any negative comments that I’ve received in the past and talked about them publicly. Mainly because I don’t really care, I just see it and move on. But this one caught my eye and heart in particular. Because it felt like it wasn’t directed just at me, it was directed towards all non-native speakers of English.

And that was crossing a red line because if this exists out there, then we have a lot of work to do. Because it’s not just me getting those comments, it’s a lot of other people that don’t have the platform that I have to talk about it and to air it out; and they don’t have the experience dealing with negative comments. And such comments can definitely make a person feel insecure.

You know, the other day, one of the teachers in my community – English Teachers Academy community – shared with me that her students came to the final lesson with her crying, because someone said something negative about her English. And that’s the thing. People feel like they’re entitled to comment on other people’s accents and English. And that is absolutely wrong. And I wanted to talk about this and the fact that it still happens to me and it happens to so many people that I know.

Because we need to understand that once we feel bad about it, we actually collaborate with the sense that some people have better English and then they’re better than you. Because they make you feel inferior and they use language as a way to gain power over you. And not a lot of people do that, but some do.

And we need to draw a very clear boundary here when it comes to people commenting on our English: what we can or cannot do, what we’re entitled to do, how we sound, how they scale us, how they position us, if we sound very close to a native speaker or very far from a native speaker – it’s none of anyone’s business how my English sounds.

Now, I’m going to say that later on as well, but I just want to make it clear. Kind feedback, helpful feedback, constructive criticism – all of that is amazing, helpful; helps us build ourselves as better communicators. And we shouldn’t feel bad if we get this positive, friendly feedback from people trying to point out things that are important for us.

But if something is said in a derogatory way, in a way that is hurtful or disrespectful, then we need to recognize that it’s not about us, it’s not about our English, it’s about them and their desperate need of making people feel bad so they can feel good about themselves. And I’m saying that because this cannot stop you from moving forward. Or the fear of getting such feedback cannot stop you from moving forward or from speaking or from thinking positively about yourself. Okay? So this is why I decided to take this comment and talk about it publicly.

Now you’re probably wondering what this common is all about, so I’m going to just move into the full episode and share it with you here. And once you’re done, don’t forget to first, subscribe to my podcast if you haven’t yet. And come on over to Instagram and tell me what you think – I’m at @hadar.accentsway. And make sure you pop in to say hi, because I really want to hear from you. Okay. So let’s listen.

Are you concerned about being criticized for your English, being judged for your pronunciation, grammar, and maybe made fun of your cute little accent? If that’s the case for you, then I want you to know that I totally get you. As a non-native speaker of English, and a public one, teaching English and teaching pronunciation, I can tell you that I’ve had my share of comments from people who think that I simply don’t do a good enough job teaching and speaking English. And they made a point of telling me what I’m doing wrong.

Now, I’m not talking about kind generous feedback from people who want to share with me their knowledge. Because those comments helped me become a better communicator, and I’m very grateful for those. No, I’m talking about the mean, nasty comments that are meant to make me feel bad and small.

Now, in the past I used to let those comments affect me and I would get hurt, but these days, these comments just make me laugh and I just keep going. Sometimes I comment something funny on them. But recently I received this comment that I decided not to move on and to bring it here and discuss it here. Because, first of all, to show you that even I get negative comments and I get judged for my English, so you should feel good about yourself and see that it really isn’t the reason why we should stop doing what we want to do. And it should definitely not stop us from creating and speaking and expressing our thoughts.

Especially if you are a business owner or an entrepreneur, and you’re thinking about starting a YouTube channel or showing up on video, on social, and you’re afraid because you’re afraid that people are going to make fun of your English and question your authority. So, this is definitely not the reason why you should not do what you want to do. And I am a living example of that. And even though you may get negative comments, it means nothing.

And the second reason why I wanted to bring this comment here is because I wanted to show you what native speakerism looks like. Native speakerism is an ideology in the ELT industry – English Language Teaching industry – that suggests that native speakers or people who’re characterized as native speakers are superior to non-native speakers – pedagogically, culturally, and linguistically.

Now, it’s broader than just the English teaching industry, because if you’ve ever tried to apply for a job and the requirements stated that it’s for native speakers only – regardless of their skills or expertise – that is native speakerism as well. Preferring a certain group simply because of their linguistic background. So let’s go into the story.

There is a video that I created called ‘The Single Most Effective Way To Improve Your English’. And in the video, I start talking about all the possible things that you can do. And then at some point I say, “You do you boo”, which is a slang word to “you do whatever you want.” And this video has been up and running for a while, but recently I saw a comment on this video. And in the comment J R says:

“When I was first learning Hebrew, I was advised never – as a nonNative speaker – to use very slangly phrases. It sounds awful – as in “You do you, boo”. Nah, bad.

Also, Hadar – your word “English” sounds much more like “Englesh”. Just sayin’.  Don’t say that, though.”

Okay. So let’s break it down, my friends, let’s break it down. Now, to be honest, when I first read it, I got all fired up by the audacity, and I comment something funny and witty and mean, but then I decided to do something different. I’m going to share with you what I commented at the end.

Now, here is the thing. First of all, it seems like this person knows me. So they were using English – and I’m going to say they, cause I don’t know if it’s a he or a she, so I’m going to use they. Now, that person knows me, otherwise they wouldn’t be using the word Hebrew or to describe their Hebrew journey.

Now, I don’t know if this person actually learns Hebrew. I kind of doubt it, but whatever. Let’s just agree that that person learns Hebrew and someone else, who is that person anyway, told them that they should never use slangley words because it sounds bad. First of all, who cares what someone said to you about your Hebrew, right?

I don’t care about what they think about your Hebrew and you should not be sharing that with me. Because my English journey and your Hebrew journey are not the same. So don’t compare and don’t give me notes, you are not my teacher.

Second, when someone says “You should never use it as a non-native speaker”, it suggests that they, as native speakers, are entitled to use certain words in a way that non-native speakers are not entitled to use because it sounds bad – oh, God forbid, it butchers the language. So we cannot use a certain set of words because we are not culturally immersed, like slang words. Now that, my friends, is native speakerism – the assumption that only a select group of people can use the language fully, and others cannot because it sounds bad.

Now, it doesn’t sound bad because I pronounced it wrong. It sounded bad to him because it was culturally inappropriate because I did not grow up in the US. Does that make any sense to you? Because to me it doesn’t. I dunno. Now, honestly, if I were to see someone who is trying to use slang words when speaking, I would be so incredibly respectful and appreciative. Not only that they’re coming closer to me by communicating with me in the language that I was born into, they’re also coming closer to me by using certain cultural elements that are meant to bring us even closer, and to make the conversation more specific and more comfortable.

So, I would be very appreciative of that. So let’s just agree that there is no universal law that says that non-native speakers cannot use slang words. And just because someone said that to you does not make it true.

So, JR, if I were you, I would do some soul searching to see why other people’s ideas and voices are so dominant that are preventing you from communicating confidently and fluently. Because I’m assuming that having all these ideas about how you should or shouldn’t communicate in a second language, probably affect your fluency in Hebrew, if that indeed is a language that you are pursuing. Anyway, let’s move on to the second part.

The second part says: “Also, Hadar – your word “English” sounds much more like “Englesh”. So, JR didn’t feel like it was enough to let me know that I shouldn’t be using slang. He also wanted to hurt me at a place where I feel very confident and comfortable, and that his pronunciation. So he decided to let me know that my pronunciation is not accurate. It doesn’t matter that the ‘i’ sound in English is unstressed and oftentimes the ‘i’ turns into a schwa, and that’s called an allophone. But let’s set that aside.

The way it was said was meant to hurt. And I’m saying that because I want you to be able to recognize it when you get negative or mean feedback. Because if the feedback is meant to make you feel small, then you need to make a decision and say to yourself that you are not going to let it affect you. Because it’s about them, and it’s about them trying to gain power over you, and it’s not about you not doing a good enough job.

Because ultimately, I don’t care if I mispronounce the word ‘English’ and say it like ‘Englesh’. I don’t care. The purpose is not to sound exactly like a native. So, this person does not get what it is that I’m talking about. Those nuances when I teach, they don’t matter, as long as we are all communicating confidently. My message in my goal is to simplify pronunciation, and to simplify how spoken English works. In those subtle nuances they don’t freaking matter.

Now, to wrap it up, he said: “Just sayin'”. Without a G, with an N – that sounds slangly. Just sayin’, just sayin’, right? That’s how I would pronounce it. And then he said, “Don’t say that though”. Meaning, I can write it down because I’m a native speaker, but you can’t say that because you are not. That is native speakerism.

When people use language to have power over you, it is your job not to comply with it, not to participate, not to take part in it. You feeling bad, you feeling hurt, you feeling like they might be right is being complacent, is agreeing with that assumption that they are better than you. That they have something that you don’t.

And I’m not speaking out of nowhere. I have students and teachers in my community that share with me the negative comments that they receive constantly – on their English and on their accent. So, it’s not something that I invented and it’s not something that just happened to me. And this is why I’m speaking to those people who get those negative comments. And they need to just not take emotional part in it.

Because once you are hurt or effected or you are upset because of that, it’s like you acknowledge the fact that they are better than you, that they have something that you don’t. And that is absolutely not true. And you know that, and I know that. It’s just don’t let that ritual, or that habit, happen to you again next time you come across such a situation.

And here’s another thing. I don’t see English as something that belongs to native speakers or to non-native speakers. A language does not belong to anyone. And no one needs permission to use English one way or another. English is a language, and as a language, it is fluid and flexible, and it’s designed to be molded into something new by the mouth of the person who uses it.

Now, of course, we want to be clear, and of course we want to use English in a certain way that optimizes our communication. This is why I’m so passionate about pronunciation. But there is a difference between pronunciation and using the language properly, and using the language to belong somewhere because I already feel like I belong. And I don’t need anyone telling me that I sound like a native or that I don’t sound like a native, or giving me permission to use slang words or approving my pronunciation. And neither should you.

Oh, and by the way, here’s what I responded to him:

“Here’s what you don’t understand. I’m not trying to get into your team. I AM the team.”

Okay. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you have something to say, or if you would like to share with me your story about, you know, someone that says something to you, and now you are discovering that you should not feel bad but angry at that person, then I am here to listen. You can find me at @hadar.accentsway or you can just go to the post and share it on my website.

So, thank you so much for tuning in again. I love you all very much, and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.